an ancient mariner ponders romance?

    I turned in last night reflecting on some women I have gotten to know somewhat since moving back to Birmingham in June 2018.

    A dream around dawn took me back to a point in time and space when I romanced several very different women at the same time, and while it certainly was exciting, it certainly was anxious as well, and I resolved it, I hoped, by marrying one of them, which perhaps was not kind to her, given the great mess I was, which she had to endure, as did her successors. 

    God only knows I loved the scent of a woman and how much I hated being alone, lonely, so maybe God arranged for me to be alone for a very long time, and I got over being lonely and pining for a woman to keep me company sometimes, or longer.

    Of late, and even longer, I think, or sense, some interest in me from women. God help them, if it’s true. God help me, if it’s true. 

    Perhaps I can lay some of the blame on Erick Rittenberry’s Poetic Outlaws Substack Newsletter. Something he published the other day, and today, stirred something in me.

Selecting a Reader
By: Ted Kooser

POETIC OUTLAWS
FEB 20, 2024 

First, I would have her be beautiful,
and walking carefully up on my poetry
at the loneliest moment of an afternoon,
her hair still damp at the neck
from washing it. She should be wearing
a raincoat, an old one, dirty
from not having money enough for the cleaners.
She will take out her glasses, and there
in the bookstore, she will thumb
over my poems, then put the book back
up on its shelf. She will say to herself,
“For that kind of money, I can get
my raincoat cleaned.” And she will.

Sloan Bashinsky
Sloan’s Newsletter
Thumbed through, but did not actually read? Getting her raincoat cleaned more important than even one of his poems? That’s his ideal reader? A woman he had loved, but she did not dig him?

man of aran
Not to mention, what he appreciates about her most, it seems, is her beauty. Cleaning the coat can only enhance that. 
She has her priorities straight. Poetry in life is a necessity but in book form a luxury. 

Sloan Bashinsky
It’s the male author’s priorities and broken heart I wonder about.

man of aran
Here’s a take. The poem is ironic. The twist is he’s not actually looking for a reader, just someone who creates beauty for its own sake. As he does with his poetry. 

Sloan Bashinsky
Perhaps.
This thing that fell out of me in 1994 probably also applies to poetry.

Although he sometimes tries to write fiction, when the tale is told, every character is a character in himself, every plot a plot in himself. There are no surprises, only his to discover the parts of himself he has lost, forgotten, thrown away, or never even knew were there. In this way perhaps he and God are somewhat alike: they both create to discover just who and what they reallly are.

Yet, I agree. All of life is poetry, and that she preferred to have her rain coat cleaned, perhaps of him, perhaps of tears she had shed because of him, perhaps because his poetry did not appeal to her, either, itself is poetry. 

Whatever moved him to write that poem was deep.

Lightly, My Darling 
By: Aldous Huxley

POETIC OUTLAWS

FEB 24, 2024

It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and 
lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, 
such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even.
Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.

No rhetoric, no tremolos, no self conscious 
persona putting on its celebrated imitation 
of Christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact 
of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, 
sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and 
self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.

Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage,

not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered. 

 

Sloan Bashinsky

Absolutely lovely.

81, with its physical aches and pains, waking up each morning wondering why I’m still here? Still hoping a miracle will cause my body to feel better, or the death angel will take me home, or somewhere new, to spare me what no beloved old, suffering pet has to endure. Living alone, a monk, all but a few months since late 2000, engulfed in metaphysics day and night, in all the way but not of this world, what woman could endure that regimen with no end? Lightly, what is that? Remember, I cannot. Perhaps it’s possible? I haven’t a clue. Is romance possible? Will viagra work? I haven’t a clue. Do I even want to try? I really don’t know. Back in the day, I would be all in.

    Perhaps these poems also are in play?

"Bi Polar” 

 

the world's favorite mood disorder
the cause of all human ails,
including wars,
if the demons aren't counted

bi polar disorder,
the destruction of the
south pole,
the feminine,
the north pole,
he ain't been
right in the head

since she’s been gone

(2016) 

"Eve's Answer” 

 

Vexing Truth
Life is Poetry,
Poetry is Life,
There's no more to say,
but that would make God
a really dull boy,
now wouldn't it, Eve? 

 

So, Eve,What say you?
After all,You have been,
still are,
blamed, 

for everything that went wrong
with hu - MAN - i - ty. 

 

Well, do you really want to hear
what I gotta say?
Is this one of those
be careful what you ask for pregnancies?
Well, is it? 

 

Probably, but say what you wish -
I s'pect you need to be heard. 

 

Heard?
Funny you mention ears.
Yes, ears.
Such important receptacles.
Yet filled with concrete,
shit, propaganda, beliefs,certainties,
well, let's not leave out
SUPERSTITION and RELIGION,
now should we? 

 

By the way,
where do ya suppose
God came from?
Or, out of? 

 

And, why do ya s'pose
I made Eve
in my own IMAGE?’ 

 

'Cause Adam was
so bored and dull -
so ... predictable
He was BORING!!!
the shit outta me!!!
That's why. 

 

Now
Shusssssh -
Don't go round quoting me
on any of that -
I've had quite enough of
the religious right
ta last me 

the rest of forever! 

(2018) 

    And this:

“I AM A MAN” 
 
I am a man. 
 
I said,
I am a man! 
 
What means it, 
being a man?   
 
A man is a warrior:
he lives by a code of honor,
his word is reliable,
his actions confirm his words,
his commitment is holiness,
his enemies are welcome at his hearth,
he fears but moves forward,
he cries and gets up again,
he hates but forgives,
he loves and let’s go,
he doubts but trusts God,
he’s a good friend,
he seeks resolutions,
he demands nothing,
he risks everything,
he regrets his mistakes,
he seeks to make amends,
he puts others’ welfare first,
he accepts apologies truly made,
he expects nothing back,
he lives ready to die,
he laughs when he “should” scream,
he screams when he “should” laugh,
he sings just because,
he shrugs off insults,
he learns from misfortune,
he cusses God for making him,
he wishes he was done,
he loves children and animals,
he relishes a woman’s scent,
he smiles when he’s content,
he knows God’s his master,
he walks in rainbows,
his garden is the world,
his way is nature,
he loves fishing,
his wife is his soul,
his food is life,

his pay is whatever he receives.

Yep, he’s crazy. 

(2003)

    And:

“SHANGHAIED” 
 
A calling to serve carries its own wisdom,
which legitimates both the calling and the serving
so that the two are one:
Only the one called to serve
can know this wisdom,
and for some who are called
the knowing comes easily,
while for others the knowing is a fiery baptism.
Each calling is different,
and while some callings can be declined,
others cannot,
and those whose calling is without repentance
know they are in it for the duration of the calling,
and while others may try to persuade them out of it,
the calling for ones such as these always prevails;
thus is it advised to all called for keeps
that they view their calling as a blessing
even when it seems at times to be a curse,
and that they try to reconcile the loss of their captain status
and allow the Spirit of God to man the helm of their ship
and be glad and willing crew members thereon,
knowing that all sailing ships of souls
need a crew as well as a captain
to maintain and navigate the ship through
seas of many tones, depths and flavors;
so consider each league sailed
as part of the overall journey
going to where the captain deigns to go
by using whatever winds and sea currents available
to navigate the ship to the experiences
this ship and crew need to have
in order to fulfill their calling and its wisdom
revealed by the journey of many leagues,
many known only to the ship and its crew,
all of whom come to know,
some sooner than others,
that once conscripted
there is no safe jumping ship.

(2004) 

sloanbashinsky@yahoo.com